Friday, October 7, 2011

LET’S TALK SOME MORE CREEPY! I LOVE CREEPY!

I guess it’s pretty obvious from some of my last posts that I absolutely love evil characters. Good always abounds in inspirational fiction, but a truly evil character that the writer has to rein in enough to stay within boundaries can be quite a challenge. I love writing the creepy, particularly when you find your creeps “also” have redeeming qualities.

Think Sweeney Todd, folks. He was “evil” but why? What pushes a perfectly normal, sane individual to that brink?

Shouldn’t we ALL say there but the grace of God go I?
Here’s another little sample. Let me know what you think of this stalker!

“Don’t make another sound or I’ll kill you.” Tangling his fingers into the swirly softness of her hair, he reveled in the silkiness. His other hand held tight across her mouth and offered its own hint of danger.

Her round blue eyes darted back and forth.

“Look all you want. There’s no knight gonna show up to save you. Are you happy now, Princess? I used to be happy. A kid who believed his life would never change. Well, guess whose life is gonna change tonight?”

She twisted against his hands. He dug in harder and eyed his surroundings. No one in sight. Leaning in closer to her ear, he brushed the curls from her face with his lips. “Do you know what it’s like to have a parade of ‘uncles’ moving through your front door like cockroaches, Princess?”

His fingers muffled her response and her eyes blinked wildly.

“Makes it hard to believe God’s watching over you, doesn’t it? Maybe He’s forgetting you the same way He forgot about me.”

Choking down his excitement, he welcomed her spiraling fear. He yanked her around the neck and hauled her behind the dumpster, where a brown, furry something with bulging eyes scuttled over her feet and into the night. She snatched her legs under her as her breathing accelerated. He shoved her head against the side of the dumpster with a smack. Her eyes rolled back under fluttering lashes.
Kyle struggled with his clothing.

Rochelle stirred. “Help me, someone! Please, God!” Her expression begged him to stop.

After her plea to the God Who Didn’t Care, Kyle laughed in her face and fired off a string of obscenities worthy of his father’s associates.

In control again, he delivered the first blow. “That one’s for the old man.”
Her head slammed against the frozen ground with a satisfying thud. He hit again. “And that one for the old lady.”

“But this one.” He backhanded her across the lip. “This one’s for me.”

Tiny flakes stuck to her eyelashes as she lay, barely conscious, against the cold ground.He waited—she had to be fully awake.

He wanted her fully awake.

Without warning, she surprised him with a knee to the shin. His leg burned, and he clutched it with one hand as his lip curled back. “Watch it, Princess!” His fingers ripped into her hair. He tugged her face closer—his breath the only air moving. A thin line of blood trickled from the lid of her left eye, which had already swelled shut. Drops dyed the snow red. The blows to her head had taken most of the fight out. Drawing her face to within an inch of his, he inhaled deeply of her perfume and hesitated.

Remember what’s really important.

His tongue flicked out, snaking to the nape of her neck just below her right earlobe. Rewarded with a terrified moan, he nudged her cheek with his chin.

LEST YOU THINK I FORGOT, HERE IS WHERE THE KNIGHT RIDES IN. BUT IS HE ABLE TO SAVE THE DAY OR COST HER HER LIFE? MAYBE HE'S NOT A KNIGHT AFTER ALL, BUT THAT'S A STORY FOR ANOTHER DAY...

While the stalker's creepy, what did we learn about him through dialogue and actions that tells us he had a heart at some point? Any thoughts?

13 comments:

  1. brrrr. Creepy is right.
    This dude's got a lot of his past spurring him on right now. Not. nice.

    Thank you for letting me know the knight arrives--I'm such a warm-fuzzy reader I NEEDED to know that. *shiver*

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  2. Yes, but is he really her knight or another guy who wants to do her wrong? I'll never tell...

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  3. First thing I noticed, Linda, is that he cared if there was someone around - might have been for self-preservation, but somehow I wondered if it was something else. And his smelling of her perfume. And referring to the God who doesn't care.

    GOOD stuff, girl! WOW.

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  4. He has past hurts because he says he used to be a happy kid. So something happened to him that caused him to become bitter.

    Very edgy writing, Linda! Made me very uncomfortable which means you got the point across loud and clear! :-)

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  5. He certainly has a wretched past - but it wasn't always that way, per his dialogue. Circumstances transpired against him, it seems, and he's all too happy to blame God for "not listening..." Great post and great writing, Linda! Look forward to more!! :-) Blessings.

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  6. Nice! I like my Villains too. Sometimes too much, I think. It's too easy to get caught up in making them wonderfully dark and then I realize that perhaps, I need to focus a little more on the un-creepy side. This was very vivid to read--great job of making me hate the guy.

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  7. I know you love "evil and creepy!" You've actually pushed me to think beyond "the bad guy," and make my culprit kinda scary (even with the 8 to 12-year-old crowd!

    Thanks for that, Linda. : )

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  8. It's like the roller coaster, nothing like a good scare and then down to earth again, OR, maybe that's something I need to address at $400 an hour on a couch. Hmmm, maybe I'll have to look into that..heehee

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  9. Boy, does this dude ever have issues! And yet...you have to feel for the child he once was. Obviously the string of "uncles" did a number on that poor kid! Which doesn't give him the right to do what he's doing now, but it sure gives the reader some insight into what makes him tick. Great writing!

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  10. Nice to know you're all a bit demented, too. I just love suspense and the better the creep, the better the story. A good suspense without good bad guys is like ice cream without hot fuge, it might be okay, but would you go back for more? Thanks to all who share my affinity for C R E E P Y!

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  11. Maybe I should have spelled fudge better. Ooops!

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  12. Oh my goodness. Gives me chills every time I read it!!! *shuddering on my couch*
    I LOVE how you capped "the God who doesn't care". To me that is SO personal, and it shows that somehow, this villain has been hurt deeply and feels abandoned.
    Nice job, Linda!

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  13. What a great snippet! Definitely a creepy charater - reminded me of some research I had done in my Psych courses (that's a good thing). With the little bit that you gave, I found myself hoping that even after all he's been through he isn't lost forever. Mikey Kirsten sent me your way and I'm glad he did!

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