Wednesday, January 11, 2012

STOP ALREADY!

Stop already with the words and punctuation that get you nowhere fast. See if you can find problems in the sentences below. What can you do to make the sentences stronger?

-He never like the way she fixed her hair.
-I couldn’t go to town even if I wanted to.
-She literally flipped her bouncing tresses out of her perky face.
-"Celebrating birthdays just doesn’t do it for me anymore."
-Bob dropped a twenty on the table and looked at his date. “Is that enough?” he asked.
-She couldn’t even move the dresser two feet before feeling tired.
-Sadie laughed at the way her toddler waved his arms. Smiling at her husband, she said, “Isn’t he just adorable?”
-His life was over. There weren’t enough hours in the day. She was so hard to please.
-The newspaper said that he had done a poor job.
-If she could, she would do it again. It wasn’t the worst job in town. Or was it? It made no sense that people fought her about it.
-“I don’t understand! Isn’t my coming to the party enough?”
-It wasn’t important . . . or maybe . . . maybe it was. She tried . . . she really did. But to no avail.

Do you see ways to strengthen or at least stop the tired aspect of these sentences?

1 comment:

  1. I see a few, but would love to see what others think.

    He didn't like her hair.
    (Kill the whole bouncing tresses thing.)
    No "he asked" after Bob's money on the table.
    It wore her out to move the dresser.
    It wasn't important. Was it?


    I'd like a little more context before tackling the others.

    ReplyDelete